In a soccer team, there are 11 players.
When I was 8 or so, I got the MVP award in my team. It only happened once, but was a big day. This is an elevation in a relative sense.
We want to be valuable relative to those in our team, or group.
Because we have been conditioned that there are a limited number of places on the team, the relative value helps cement our right to be there, to belong.
The more we are recognised, the safer we are. School, university, the office… Soon, it can become a one way street. If we continue along that trajectory of scarcity, it follows that the more we recognise others, the “less safe” we are.
From this point of view, when we “see the good” in others, express gratitude directly, or even “receive” gifts, it can feel like the opposite to safety.
If we recognised the good of all 10 other players in the team, then perhaps we might not be MVP?
This goes on, ultimately becoming habit for many people. We move fast, focus on efficiency, productivity, kpi’s and performance and keep recognition at a surface level. We play safe.
The flip of course, is that we aren’t playing soccer. We aren’t in a finite game. We get to slow down, we get to choose something different.
We are in a position where seeing the good in others actually adds value to the whole. The infinite game goes on – as long as the players keep playing.
When we recognise the good in others, they not only keep playing, but play with even more zing. It compounds!
Seeing good and expressing it directly can be hard. But like anything, when the resistance or tension is present, it’s usually a great reason to move forward and do it anyway.
You might be surprised.
