This week my wife Ruby just returned from her first solo-silent meditation retreat.
These are epic and occasionally frightening events. They leave a significant impact. However, this post is not about these retreats. (perhaps another time!)
One of the biggest and most unexpected things I noticed from the first time I did one of these, was the crystal clear connection that can come. With your body, your environment, your food, your daily practices and of course with other people. With 6-10 days of uninterrupted practice, a level of stillness and clarity is available that’s on a new level.
There were about two years in between the first time I went away, and when Ruby did her retreat.
After Ruby returned, I noticed something interesting. Her experience was obviously very powerful for her. But it did something else as well.
There was a new language, or understanding available. Her new experience instantly brought us closer. These were completely independent events, but they created a new level of connection.
In conversation, two people only have communication if there is understanding of the meaning behind each word. For most words, the meaning is experientially known. We talk in terms that are familiar. Things we have all seen, heard, or can relate to closely. If one person is not familiar or hasn’t “experienced” the term, it becomes imaginary, or only intellectually known – it’s harder to convey the full message.
When each of us, as individuals, seek to experience deeper connection on our own, through movement, meditation, breathing exercises or otherwise, we create a deeper experiential understanding of the whole concept. When we then relate with another person with their own practice, there are deeper levels available.
Yes, we can explore ways to deepen our relationship as a couple, as partners… BUT, doing our inner work individually is powerful. Then, when we re-meet as two people, we are relating in terms (or a context) that are experientially known.
We are able to speak the same language. We are able to create a new reality.
