For just physical satisfaction, not much is needed.
But, for true intimacy, with two people being present with each other, we need connection.
For connection, we need attention.
By using your phone* in your bedroom (yes, even “just” as your alarm clock), you are leaving attention on the table and effectively severing any chance of true intimacy.
Here’s how it works:
- The phone has a subconscious association with work (or worse, social media) – emails, SMS, calls. By having this near you, you cannot connect fully with the present moment (and person present)
- By checking your phone in the bedroom, you expose yourself to blue light, disrupting sleep patterns and potentially down-regulating testosterone production
- By waking up to your phone as an alarm, you are literally putting your hand on your phone as the first movement of the entire day. Think about that for a moment.
So, here’s what you do:
- Create a night time curfew – the phones are off and in the kitchen, or a bowl in the lounge room. Somewhere not near the bedroom.
- The WiFi router goes off – this is an action that helps to cement the fact that it’s time for the bedroom and the two s’s: sleep, or sex.
- Grab an alarm clock. Check out this Braun one, it’s simple and effective
- Recognise each other. Use attention. The simplest way to do this is with eye contact.
Again, like anything, we need to create the habit, (here), which requires work.
The first part though is consciously choosing that improving your sleep and intimacy is something you actually want to do.
*TV, iPad, laptop.. it’s all the same. The bedroom is for sleep and sex. Only.
