If you choose to truly connect with someone when you meet, you create an entirely different path and future reality.
But, you say, It takes two to tango!
To connect with someone authentically requires an unspoken (or spoken…) “agreement” from both sides.
An agreement to shelve distractions, work, emails, complaints, gossip.
This is why it’s become so rare. Even from a statistical point of view, most people simply are so busy now that the chances of meeting another person at this point, where both are present, seem to be negligible.
Anyway, rather than throw in the towel and give in, I propose that we can dramatically increase our chances through inspiring connection itself.
From this point of view, we choose to become the connection. Basically, do our best to not take no for an answer.
This means that when we interact with others, they can’t help but notice the difference. This can in turn change the context of the interaction and they can come to the party as well (or, they might run away, but then there wasn’t going to be the connection anyway.)
Here are some tactics:
- Decide if it is something that you want. Do you want to take a stand for this, to enrich your relationships? You don’t have to.
- Choose connection prior to meeting the person. Become present yourself before interacting with others.
- Have a default phone strategy. This is either: no phone (optimal), or phone on full volume and make no excuses. The situation is: “I apologise, in this case I need to have my phone here with volume on, as I’m expecting an important call.” Then you don’t need to look at it*.
- Practice listening. There is actually a “listening meditation.” It involves giving your full attention to what is being said. The message, the intonation, everything. It’s a great exercise and inhibits a typical “listening to respond” pattern
- Celebrate. I love a quality connection. If you feel that you really had a great time with the person, tell them!
So, if you choose to foster the connection, then no matter what happens and where they are coming from, your odds of success increase.
When you make this choice to connect, you build an entirely different path together.
*A silent, buzzing, alerting, vibrating phone that people pretend they aren’t paying attention to, but really can’t be ignored is the worst. Upside down is only slightly better, but still no good.
