In first year uni, I catastrophically failed a physics exam.
I came in fresh from school, I was still 17. It was a physics mid-term paper, worth about 30% of the final mark for the course.
Almost our entire year group failed. I think I got 40% or so. This was the first test I had really failed like that.
Of course, as someone who’s narrative had been built around “getting good marks,” this came as a bit of a shock. Something minor, yet something which didn’t match with my perception of who I was.
In these times we feel conflict.
Ultimately, this test taught me and many others the difference between this uni degree and school. We realised we needed to learn how to study. Actually study. So about 6 of us formed a small cohort that more or less stayed together throughout the 4 year degree.
The thing is, we carry an element of our personal history with us each day. If it were a sports game, these are our “wins,” and our “losses.” Our track record. Our GPA.
But, it’s not a sports game. It’s dynamic, it’s life, and, we have a choice.
How much of this do we want to carry with us, what do we want to drop? And whatever we carry, how do we want to frame it?
How is it impacting us?
How is it shaping our experience of today?
Are we at peace with it, or are we carrying it like a bag of stones?
Whether it’s all of those trophies on the wall, or the “tests” you failed, these physical or mental emotional battles that we’ve faced create a story, a “history.”
Ultimately, when we take the time to zoom out and look at all of this stuff, we can even write the whole thing out.. ultimately we get an opportunity to ask:
“OK, that all being so, so what now?”
What kind of future do we want to create from here?
